Tag Archives: thinking

Not off the rails…. 

Just temporarily out of steam. A few days ago I accidentally attempted some introspection, it didn’t go well. I really must remember that with  my brain, much like a loaded gun, it’s important for your own survival. So I have taken on water, stoked the furnace and I look forward to a nice head of steam returning at some point. 

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The Land of Do As You Please.. 

It’s not all random you know? Like the ball on the roulette wheel, it looks random but it’s all mathes and angles and physics. It may look like chance, but if it were possible to measure the angles and speeds it would be possible to predict where the ball would drop. 

I try to remember that as I’m surrounded by the bouncing and spinning or seemingly random events. I try and focus on the trajectory I’ve set in motion and ignore the noise and colours flashing by. Ignore the smoke and chatter, the distractions and misdirections. Focus on that ball. 

I’m also aware that this idea maybe less based in scientific reality than it is basted in the 3rd glass of wine, but all the good ideas are hidden in the bottom 2/3rds of a bottle. Of course bad ideas are hidden in the 2nd bottle, so avoid that bottle at all costs. 

It may be the wine talking, umm no it’s not the wine it’s just you with your chemical levels adjusted. Meaning you are either unfettered by some of your mental governors, making you less or more of an arse. I’m of the school of thought that thinks the if you become free and philosophical with a drink or two that’s probably what you are inside with all the world shell removed. However if your pleasant candy shell disolves in alcohol to reveal an a-hole that’s the real you. Now some people might tell you not to drink if you are in group b, in fact I have told a few b’s to skip the booze, but that’s for my benifet and not for theirs. Maybe if you are an arsehole when you drink you should be drunk 24-7, that seems fairer to the rest of the world. We would know what you are really like, and you could either work on not being an arsehole, or live with being avoided like the pothole in life’s highway you are.

I myself fall firmly, often into a comfy chair, in group A. I’m the poster boy for group A, and if wasn’t for my prepencity to get a bit flirty and talk like a pirate when drunk, I’m pretty sure people would prefer me drunk at all times. So let’s raise our glasses to whatever point I was trying to make and set sale with a pants off (did i mention to flirty pirate part?)… 

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Day 83 – Post-it Puzzles……

For a few weeks now my brain has been in that overdriven creative mode that some people mistake for happy… Now it has cycled back to analytical mode, that some people mistake for cabin in the woods depressed hermit… Now is the time to process all the random thoughts and ideas on post it notes and other random bits of paper into some sort of order… Sifting to see of there is anything workable in there, lends itself to late nights, coffee and solitude… The creative bit doesn’t require quiet, in fact I get derailed by silence when in a creative mood… Without distractions my brain seems to get bogged down in detail, creativity and detail are not friends… Analyzing the the scribbles, pictograms and other hard to decipher notes…. I was doing so well at turning ideas into plans this morning that by mid-afternoon I had a serious headache… So I bundled the children in the car and went out for a stress relieving drive and something to cook for dinner… I came back with less stress, some food and a $8 tribal pouffe from an opshop….

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Day 77 – My Balls are just for Decoration….

I spent so long being a “single mother” that being a man has taken the back seat… I not talking about driving a ute and wearing a football jersey everywhere, in fact those guys are even more of track than I am… I am talking about that whole lost art of being a man thing… Men live in a very complicated world these days, and me doubly so… The role of being male has changed a lot in the last 60 years or so, which means we have a few generations of men that have been trying to learn what it means to be a man from men who grew up in a different world, no wonder their are quite a few males around who are trying to find their way…

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This is by no means a well thought out theory, just something that occurred to me today in between loads of washing (not saying that washing clothes isn’t a mans job)… This is kind of thinking out loud, wondering if my life took me a little to far away from what I needed… If in some weird way I allowed myself to become emasculated during my marriage and looking after kids… Did it make me a great parent and a lousy man?… Would I be happier if I addressed the run in the woods and sniff things part of me… Do I want to be a provider as well as a care giver?… Like I said its a tricky thing to be a male sometimes… This is subject that needs a bit more thought… I will get back to when I have done that thinking…

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Day 32 – Role Models…

As someone who could be called “a wee bit skeptical”, it is difficult for me to take advice or follow the doctrines of either religion or self-help gurus… I am very much of the you must have walked a mile in my big black boots (or brightly colored converse, as the footwear was for today’s miles)… It makes it quite hard to take advice, when you are pretty sure you are smarter than the person giving it… I was going to say that is not an arrogant statement, but just because something is true and meant to explain my thoughts, doesn’t mean it lacks modesty… I respect intelligence, and that’s intelligence in all it’s forms, not just the memorize a book form… So when the person offering advice demonstrates a lack of intelligence in one area, I find it hard to respect their advice… I know, very judgey of me…

So when searching out pearls of wisdom and personal gurus, I tend to treat them the same way as I do the breakfast buffet at a five star restaurant…. A bit of crispy bacon, a duck egg, a slice of some weird melon, three types of cheese, a little muffin… Well you get the idea, a taste of everything their is to offer, and on the second trip to the buffet (eating hobbit style) I just stock up on the bits I like…

At the moment my role models are not from the self-help or soul saving industry… My first role model/man crush is Robert Downy Jr…. Not in a fanboy actor way, but in a, this person has walked a mile in many shoes way.. From alcoholism and drug abuse to depression and self destruction, this is a man who knows of what he speaks…

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While it is easy to dismiss his public persona as a crafted image, my skepticism does not extend to that level of cynicism in this case… To think he, or his minders could manage that is to believe the USA could fake a moon landing… People are not that clever…  So I read his autobiography, and follow him on the twitter… All gurus should be on the twitter… It stops them banging on for a chapter to get across a point that can be made in 140 characters (and yes I know that is a pot calling the kettle black)…

My other wonder wall occupant is more of a style icon… As I attempt to age gracefully, my fashion guidance can not be taken from chain stores or those around me… I  am never going to be tidy polo shirt, or business suit 9-5 guy… I guess I tend to gravitate towards rock n roll ish… Or at least I do when I am at my cocky fighting weight… But I can’t get away with that these days, and I can’t do
Hipster because it makes me look like a hobo…. This is where actor/antique dealer Billy Leroy comes in….

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I like Billy, he dresses well, and he is as mad as a bag of cats, during the US economic downtown he only accepted payments in Euros and he occasionally is seen wearing an eyepatch… So with that in mind I am editing my closets, which isn’t actually that hard… Most of my clothes fit with the style
I am aiming for, they just don’t fit me at the moment… But that is a topic for another day…

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