Tag Archives: sherlock

Day 117 – The Case of the Full Cart…

I was filling my imaginary shopping trolly with books at about 2am last night… Not buying, just doing the internet equivalent of window shopping… It is like getting the rush of retail therapy without the buyers remorse… But what I did notice is there was a touch of the Sherlock Holmes about the basket, not the novels of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, I already have those… I had chosen three books on knots, one that gives you ten methods to expand your attention span, mastering Mnemonics and a book on locksmithing…

I have become a little obsessed by learning pointless little skills at the moment… Maybe it’s the giving up smoking? (51 days and counting)… Lot of extra time in the day without frequent coffee and nicotine breaks, actually a truly scary amount of extra time… Time that requires distracting the brain and keeping the fingers busy, since I have also cut tv viewing to the bone, with the exception of the several different versions of Sherlock Holmes (including the new series of Jonathan Creek), and episodes of grand designs I haven’t seen too often… So with no smoking, drinking, girlfriend or television I have quite a lot time to dedicate to increasing my ever more esoteric set of skills and knowledge… Sorry to digress but remember the world before google? When a head full of pointless triva was something that couldn’t be trumped by a hipster with wifi? Just saying… But anyway I have a cup of camomile to drink and some Sherlock Holmes themed memes to make (did I mention the keeping busy thing?)….

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Day 98 – I am Sherlocked….

To be specific, I need a Watson to my Holmes… There’s a little insight into how I see myself, but arrogance aside I do better with someone to bounce ideas off… As fun as the kids are to chat to, they are not the mental sparing types..

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Sometimes I just need a live target to bounce things off… I know it is not good for me to run things endlessly in my own head, I just end up finding every possibly flaw, no matter how unlikely… There is no real replacement for someone that knows how your brain works, accepts you but also doesn’t humour or coddle you…

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I have a Moriarty, but she’s not talking at the moment, she has been a bit pissy since she pushed me off a large waterfall, and I didn’t drown… So applications are now open, job requirements should be obvious to anyone clever enough to get the job, I refuse to spoon food you people… However the position will be given without interview to this Watson if they ask…

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you may also have noticed the lack of progress (or at least writing about it) on the blog in relation to vintage, art or life in general… I am afraid that is a side effect of two things mainly… First giving up smoking and secondly my brain appears (to me) to be doing the intellectual equivalent of pushing the go pedal to the floor and dumping the clutch… Lots spinning and noise but very little forward momentum?… Bouncing back and forward between doctors is not helping… The red pill helps depression and anxiety, but the blue pill helps Bi-polar II, we will just try this first, and then that… So being almost at the point of a productive vaguely manic period is held just at the moment of kicking off, like some kind of tantric muscle clenching of my skull… Not a very satisfying result…. I can see why people bin the pills and the temptation to just self manage is riding high at the moment… I have that solo parent dilemma of school vs cost of school, well not a dilemma any more, they will be attending my school of choice next year, the dilemma is paying for it… Actually dilemma is too strong a word, as is problem, it is a puzzle to be solved and I have found all the edge pieces and another bit that has clouds on it…. So I am sure I will work it out…  The game is a foot!!!!!

 

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Lets go for a ramble……

It has been awhile my friends… To keep with the rambling (both literal and metaphorical) simile for a while, it has been a rocky path that I have followed…. Uphill, with many a sharp turn and sudden drop, and the occasional stalking black dog… This post is not made from the top of a picturesque hill that allows me to see the path i have followed, and the road ahead… It is a post from the bottom of a valley… I have been away from the blog not because I have nothing to share, but because I don’t have the energy to share it, I have been using all my energy to present the illusion of a functioning person to the few people I need to deal with face to face, and propping up the idea on Facebook that I am not asleep on the couch or curled up in a corner crying for no reason… In the last few days even that pretence has slipped…. I have made appointments with a new shrink, and my old doctor to try and adjust the medication and maybe some kind of therapy that actually works… My previous therapist was very keen on treating the anxiety rather than the depression, and of course I was happy to play along with her methods of distraction to avoid anxiety… I am very good at distraction, I think she missed that… Telling me to distract myself from negative dialouge with little mantras was very appealing, as I have spent my life avoiding problems by either running away, or occuping my mind with some other trivial diversion… as a child I had divorced parents that allowed me to escape to one house or the other, depending on what conflict I needed to avoid… I was smart enough at school to avoid almost all work and activity that I had no interest in… I had a marriage to an emotionally and physically distant woman that allowed me to ignore any of my own issues, as hers were more obvious… After that an off and on relationship that never seemed to progress beyond a certain point without falling in heap…. Moves… Plans… Unanswered requests for prices and sales… Delaying plans because of mundane issues like lack of funds… Not following up on opportunities to raise funds, ignoring requests to sell items until I was a bit more organised… then getting depressed because I didn’t seem to making headway….

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F.Scott Fitzgerald wrote that –

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
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This quote came to mind as I watched an episode of Elementary, just after watching an episode of Sherlock… I was misquoting it my head “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing  Sherlock Holmes in the mind at the same time,”… So there I sat , being all amused at my own wittiness when the show reached out of the screen and smacked me in the side of the head… One of those annoying moments when a scriptwriter has said something to give you an insight into a character, that suddenly puts a truth in your own head about yourself… Holmes (Johnny Lee Miller) explains that he is free to fill his time with all this ‘important’ work because he is ‘Post-Love’, he has been in love and experienced it, and no longer needs to worry about it…. The fact that I related to the monologue was concerning enough, but the fact that I then spent the rest of the episode waiting for the script writer to explain why that ‘post-love’ was a bad thing… and sure enough there it was in that wrap up after the crime is solved and the last add break has run….

I did look up the Fitzgerald quote… it seems that the full quote is rarely used –

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
 One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

Seems I am having a bit of trouble being a first rate intelligence then… As I have the hopeless part, but the determination is somehow still escaping me…..

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