Tag Archives: mental-health

Counting….

My brain is spread a bit thin at the moment…. too much going on…. not all good but not all bad… but the bad is dragging me down, my gorgeous boy is not doing well at the moment… quite a few external stresses are making him less in control… But on the good side I feel much better equipped to help him through this rough patch, strangely the Doctors appointments for both him and myself have helped… I was labouring under the misconception that the more challenging of his “quirks” were difficult for me because they reminded me of my ex… It has been pointed out now (thrice) that he is far more like me, and his attempts to stop the noisy machine in his head, are the same as mine… Strangely this had made me feel better… and I can see a way forward for us both… Hopefully the other stresses in his life will be reduced soon, with the move…. The kids are both starting to pester me about the amount of time left till we go, I found them with a calendar trying to count how many days are left…. It is a stark contrast from the last move, they really didn’t understand why I was moving them and kept asking me why… This time it is me, trying to temper their enthusiasm…

So I have been doing all those annoying pre-move things…. Visits to the tip… Calls to the new school… Trying to decide what size storage unit i need…. and tracking rental prices and length of time houses have been for rent in my chosen village…. Such fun!!!!

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Something like the Hippocratic Oath….

or something… do no harm… that is the resolution that has started so badly this year…. Today I have worked myself into the wonderful numbness of pain…. 34 degrees and no breaks… even a thumb blow from a hammer was a welcome distraction… I will be away from social media for a bit… I need time to get my head together and deal with doing the wrong thing for the right reason, or the right thing for the wrong reason… I need time to get together a list of goals and deeds, to appease my guilt or prevent karma from bitch slapping me into a coma…. The straw has finally broken my back, and I can’t go on the way I am… So maybe 2013 will be a year of penance, because while I have never set out to be a destructive force in the world, I have refused to accept my short comings, and this has caused others pain…. Today instead of turning a new leaf, I accidentally spray painted some gold…. Hope that doesn’t kill the plant…

ivy

Apologies, like confessions are meaningless selfish things unless they accompany real change…. I am striving for real change, to repair the damage done to those around me, not to assuage my own guilt…

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