Category Archives: Working

Not off the rails…. 

Just temporarily out of steam. A few days ago I accidentally attempted some introspection, it didn’t go well. I really must remember that with  my brain, much like a loaded gun, it’s important for your own survival. So I have taken on water, stoked the furnace and I look forward to a nice head of steam returning at some point. 

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Day 124 – Embracing Change….

Headaches, sweating, nausea, electric shocks in extremities and tinnitus…. and loving every minute of it… Yes I did watch an episode of get smart today, mainly because standing up was accompanied by a sudden urge to fall down… Lots of fluids followed by lots of fluids has been the order of the day… Other than a brief trip to the supermarket that is, which was timed around 75mg of SNRI (down from 225mg)… You may think all that sounds like a disastrous day, it wasn’t… I haven’t felt more like myself in years, or to be accurate, I felt like my old self, looking at my current self and saying “whoa man! What the hell is going on with you?”… And I kind of looked back and said “yeah I know”… Not sure if the conversation with myself is a good sign, but I might be one of the few people left talking to me these days?… I mean I can be an argumentative so and so, on the best of days. Dealing with serious depression and taking medication made me argumentative, moody and a bit dim… Then I added anti smoking medication for the last few months, that just made me an arse too… I was thinking of apologizing to the long list of people I have upset over the past 5
Years, 2 years or 3 months; but to be honest it seems easier just to start over… The cool people will just cut me some slack, and the anal people will try and make me feel bad, and I will avoid them… I am kind of putting this post out as an open apology, I am sorry for over reacting to whatever stupid thing you said (still not got the hang of that)… I am still probably going to be moody, occasionally sarcastic and intolerant of stupidity, but I will also be quick witted, passionate, creative and that annoying kind of charming that makes you fancy a quick snog… Did I mention my brain works faster when not stewing in pharmaceuticals?… Some people I know don’t know me… That’s not an issue for me, but do try and remember that for 5 years I have been a bit hazy and may not remember what I did to annoy you, before that I may have been a bit drunk?… So embrace the change, and to celebrate that change here is a picture of some change I sorted today…

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Day 123 – Never Trust a Bald Barber…

I was having a chat sometime in the last month, with 10 different people (we will call that plausible deniability).. At least 7 of these people took offense at my return to study… I know they took offense, because they started the sentence with “no offense, but”… Seems the idea of me returning to study psychology – counseling allows people to go “your mad as a bag of frogs!!!!”… Well a bit… But when it comes down to it I am the sanest mad person I know… In fact most of my madness is probably self inflicted, by looking a bit to close at the cogs and whirring bits in my head… That’s enough to drive anyone nuts…

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So I use an old saying to explain things… Never trust a bald barber, he has no respect for your hair… I maybe as mad as a hatter, but I am not bald….

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Day 85 – I Still Fancy Belinda…

 

You can leave a light on for me…. Spent the entire day listening to 70s rock and 80s hits…. Baking cookies (not 70s cookies)… Television free day today, my brain was close enough to porridge as it was… Maybe you do just reach a stage where you declare tv to be a load of rubbish, and go off to write a complaint letter about it?… I wasn’t in a letter writing mood so I just made cookies, tried to glue something together with a fancy two part adhesive (I won’t know if it worked till tomorrow)…. Coated my thumb in latex (nothing suss) and listened to Pink Floyd’s The Wall while scented candles burned and I drank chai….

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Day 83 – Post-it Puzzles……

For a few weeks now my brain has been in that overdriven creative mode that some people mistake for happy… Now it has cycled back to analytical mode, that some people mistake for cabin in the woods depressed hermit… Now is the time to process all the random thoughts and ideas on post it notes and other random bits of paper into some sort of order… Sifting to see of there is anything workable in there, lends itself to late nights, coffee and solitude… The creative bit doesn’t require quiet, in fact I get derailed by silence when in a creative mood… Without distractions my brain seems to get bogged down in detail, creativity and detail are not friends… Analyzing the the scribbles, pictograms and other hard to decipher notes…. I was doing so well at turning ideas into plans this morning that by mid-afternoon I had a serious headache… So I bundled the children in the car and went out for a stress relieving drive and something to cook for dinner… I came back with less stress, some food and a $8 tribal pouffe from an opshop….

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