Category Archives: It’s all about me

Not off the rails…. 

Just temporarily out of steam. A few days ago I accidentally attempted some introspection, it didn’t go well. I really must remember that with  my brain, much like a loaded gun, it’s important for your own survival. So I have taken on water, stoked the furnace and I look forward to a nice head of steam returning at some point. 

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It’s not a life hack… 

You know those things that we used to call thinking, common sense or logic? Well apparently they are now “life hack”. People post logical solutions on the internet for people to look up. We live in an age where common sense has been outsourced, MacGuyver would be rolling over in his grave. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with seeking various solutions to issues, actually seeking various solutions is a great idea. Exposure to multiple methods for a single problem encourages looking at things without a fixed idea. Functional fixedness is not a friend to creative thinking. I like to find as many ways as possible to achieve a task, and then I take the easiest. Bill gates said

 “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

Bill Gates would like me, I’m very good at finding the easiest way to do things. Last night  after grocery shopping I was returning with my trolley to my car at the far end of the car park. Near my car was another trolley, still with its $2 coin in the deposit slot. So now I have two trolleys with a coin mechanic designed to encourage people to return the trolley. I could wheel both trolleys the 200meters back to the shop and retrieve both coins (i.e. Doing what ‘they’ want), I could just put my trolley inside the other (as designed) and retrieve one coin…. or option number three, place trolleys back to back at the right angle, put one chain over the top and one underneath, and I get both coins without the walk back to the market with two trolleys. Sorry to the person that collects trolleys and has to deal with the problem i created for you, but try and think of it as a lesson in life hacking. 

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I Lost on Jeopardy… 

I’ll take things that can be mixed for 500 Alex… 

  • Vodka and tonic 
  • Cake batter
  • Receptions
  • Feelings 
  • Reviews 

And of course tapes…


When I buy stuff it’s not always to keep the wolf from the door, because the wolfs just a puppy and the doers double locked, so why you got to worry me for? (Apologies to Passanger). I also buy stuff because it amuses me, or makes me think of a joke, or a stokes the coal on a train of thought. My brain seems to thrive on wordgames and esoteric stimulation, and bad puns more often than not. I’m not sure if it falls into observational humor, or prop comedy, or somewhere in between. Maybe it’s just my equivalent of a pile of badly typed conversation starter cards.  A reason to talk (or write as the case may be) about something apart from relationship issues and what’s on the telly. 

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95% of the Time it’s Fine… 

I’m single. I’ve not always been single. In maths terms (which there will be more of this post) I’ve been single for less than 20% of my adult life. 95% of the time I’m ok with singledom, or I’m not all Bridget Jones about it at least. What about the 5%? Well that’s where The Block comes in (Whick is a renovation show on TV – for those outside my hemisphere), more specifically The Block and Twitter. 99% of the enjoyment that can be had from bad TV and Movies is the acerbic, sarcastic and generally witty cometary that two or more people make during the show. The more astute and critical the company, and the more predictable and transparent the show the better it becomes. So Twitter has become sort of surrogate couch partner to quip with, unfortunately it is a partner that mainly watches shows like The Bachelor etc. So if I fancy a bit of banter I have to whore myself out there to mainstream reality TV. Trust me you don’t get a lot of action with a documentary on the inventer of the seed drill, or a retrospective on a flute based prog rock band*. 

The reason The Block has become my Twitter companion, apart from its active user group, is that it has a bonus round. You can on occasion get your pithy comments on the show it self, resulting in much congratulating and backslapping. 


I must admit they got me hooked on the first night by running my tweet in the “pimp” spot, the big scrolling halfway point ad. A prime time spot so prominent that even my ex-wife texted me to mention it. And I must admit the idea of my stupid face and trademark sarcastic quips popping up on the screen as she sat with her boyfriend watching a bit of relaxing TV was quite amusing, to me at least. 

The only real problem is that I’m forced to moderate the more acid comments and keep my tweets primetime friendly if I want that 2 seconds of not really fame. Trust me in a couch, glass of wine and bad TV I’m a bit more cutting edge. A bit like TV comedians that are quite sedate on TV, but work as blue as possible in a live show. Cheap puns seem to be the way to go, or comments about the host that are positive, and possible contain a pun for the double shot.





Not my best work, but you get the idea. The point is more to address that pesky human need to occasionally interact with people to avoid that whole wearing tissue boxes on your feet and collecting your own urine in jars. As stated before 95% fine. 5% could use a handy human shaped analog to bounce things off… 

*they are both called Jethro Tull.
  

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Drink…Drank…Drunk…

Well just the first two really, a bottle of moscato won’t really get you drunk. More pleasantly befuddled. Actually that’s a great name for a wine, I would buy Pleasently Befuddled if I saw it on the shelf, double so if it had a midly confused looking woodland creature on the label. It’s my 48 hrs a fortnight with out the sproglings, or the brief window to lounge around with no pants, a bottle of wine and watch a movie with naughty words and the occasional boob… So let’s raise a glass to tipsy rabbits and bluebirds, swear words and the occasional glimpse of pink things… cheers… 

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