Day 105 – One Last Blurt…

For a while anyway… I spend a fair bit of time in therapy, of one type or another, these days… In fact I suspect therapy is my new current addiction, and yes I am one of those people with an addictive personality.. If you met me during my late teens, early twenties, you would probably tell me I was drunk… and I would take your word for it, because I was probably a lot drunker than you knew… The there was other stuff, and food, and cigarettes, and sex… Then there were a few combinations of those… Then there was anxiety… The I combined anxiety with most things except sex… That lasted a while…. Then I did exercise… and you can combine exercise with sex, in fact you do that to the exclusion of all other things for quite a while…. and then find the real problem is not your addictive personality, it is just the whole damn way you think… Thats were therapy comes in… You talk and think and talk, and hash up every addiction, rejection and excuse, until you realise there is no magic bullet, no sudden awareness… Just talking, listening and taking things a day at a time…. So it is six months without a drink, 2 months without a cigarette and three days without a tub of ice cream etc…etc…. I have done many of my apologies, some where accepted, some not so much… I try and catch any blame before it leaves my mouth… and if I go a month without therapy or talking to people who understand I get twitchy… I don’t sleep much anymore, No sleeping pills for me, and no more coffee liquor with milk, last thing at night (40/60 mix)… So I get lots of time to read, and learn pointless skills, doubly so since giving up smoking… I also like to watch life in 10 min bites on the you tube…. If you can’t find a meeting you can find a like minded soul on the internet…

I wish I could explain things as elegantly as this… I can’t…. If you watch this, watch it all the way through, if you bothered reading what I wrote you will appreciate it said in a more moving way, by a more intelligent man than I…

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One thought on “Day 105 – One Last Blurt…

  1. tlohuis says:

    Thanks for sharing. That was great.:)

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