Day 86 – The Little Book of Crazy…..

Sort of like a diary, but it just contains locations, times, symptoms and fund stuff like that… I started keeping a record just after I gave up smoking… It was becoming apparent to me that twitchy and gruff were not related to nicotine cravings… They were anxiety pure and simple… I had been self medicating with cigarettes to deal with the anxiety, which in themselves increased the symptoms… Catch 22 a day… I didn’t really need to track that to figure it out, but I do need it to self diagnose the rest of my issues… Yes I am in that rather analytical frame of mind that believes by tracking and cross referencing symptoms and situations I can eventually work out how to minimize issues… Not a cure, but a work around… Self medication is not an option, but to avoid it I need a way to get everything done that won’t send me into chemicals or ice-cream etc… Today has been one of those days (on the back of another one of those days) where everything is setting my teeth on edge… Return of the headache, feeling a bit like a staff member around the house and a disgruntled one at that… Lack of adult conversation coupled with the fear that I have forgotten how to “do” adult conversation… I have spent the last 12 hours drawing mud map style planes on bits of butchers paper, and looking up the prices of things, and then trying to find one of those things that isn’t made in china… Ethics and internet shopping are not friends… So sunday night is being spent hiding under a blanket on the lounge, in an attempt to placate the gods of tension headaches and resisting the urge to look up trepanning kits with express post….

Yes… I have noted “giant whiney baby” in the book…. along with a picture of my head and location of said headache…. So the little book of crazy will continue to grow, and hopefully twitchy and gruff will become less of an issue, and possibly characters in Snow White III – The rise of the dwarves….

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