Day 31 – Wish You Well….

“didn’t get much sleep last night… freight train rattled through my head… Whistle blowing love is dead”…

Bernard Fanning hit the nail on the head there, well after I trimmed of the first line, “up so early feel so bright”… I was up early, but even the most generous observer would not say “he looks bright”…

I grabbed my coat and small dark cloud, and headed off to see my physiologist in the early AM… One of those sessions where, in my sleep deprived state, my rather high protective walls were down… You know when someone gets that look of “oh dear, this ones a mess” and quickly tries to hide it?… I do, it was one of those sessions… Which ended with a call to my GP to fiddle yet again with medication and a referral to the “Black Dog Institute” (and yes that it really what it is called)… She seems to think I may be a bit of a large white bear that goes both ways… It’s ok she didn’t think that was funny either…

I had (through self-diagnosis) dismissed Bipolar ages ago… But it seems I had ignored Bipolar II – the sequel… It seems to be a bit more “lite” on the manically manic… So apparently she wants me to sit in a room with a bunch of professionals, do tests, be asked questions and discuss things…. Well that has done wonders for my anxiety levels…

But on the bright side she seems to think I am least suicidal depressed person she has ever met, I am not sure she phrased it exactly this way, but I seem to remember her putting it this way “he is not a suicide risk, mainly due to a pathological sense of duty to his children”…. Hmmm that doesn’t sound like a compliment…

So after that rather draining episode, and with the knowledge of dealing with men in white coats in the near future, I headed of to Bathurst so the kids could go swimming, and I could shuffle things from one storage unit to another, in 40 degree heat (talk about the seventy circle of hell)…

Three loads later, and a trip to the local dump, and I was dehydrated, depressed and after finding a spider in my hair a bit twitchy… So I went and had a coffee… I drew this…

photo-194

Don’t show it to the men on white suits, they will read something into it… I already have enough trouble with them showing me ink blots of very unpleasant things…

So now I am back home, after a food shopping detour, feeling slightly ill… Possibly from dehydration or sunstroke or the emotional enema I started the day with… What ever it was, I am stuffed and couch bound till morning, hopefully there will be sleep involved… Just a little would be nice… I won’t count on the absence of freight trains, because I live next to a railway, but maybe this evening they can just be worked into the narrative of a pleasant dream….

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