Day 4 – Part I – Ghosts….

Had a stumble yesterday and a fall this morning… A little bit of passive aggressive text to the ex-wife, I would like to blame it on medication adjustment, length of time between shrink visits and the nicotine withdrawal, so I will… It was those factors coupled with her new “boy” friend declaring his happiness at having a wonderful supportive partner and a new family, her apathy towards her own children and my inability to expect that particular pig to sing… “never try and teach a pig to sing” they say, “it wastes your time and annoys the pig”… Fair enough, no more musicals for that tracksuit wearing porcine… I keep trying to remind myself that a few a years from now it won’t matter, she is so disconnected from her children that they will drift from her life more.. Sad but there is not a damn thing I can do about it… I find it extra sad that all the years spent trying to stop her becoming her mother were a success, so she became her father instead… I know she is under the delusion that her daughter will hit a certain age and decide she wants to spend time with her… Maybe she is right, but I doubt it… When she reaches that independent age she will wonder were her mother was, and resent her for her apathy…

I must learn to step away from that mess… My daughter comes to me when she is sick or sad, that should be a knife in the exes heart (it would be in mine), but it means I am probably doing ok…

The other stumble was a also ex related, ex-girlfriend related to be exact… I don’t have an excuse as I don’t drink anymore, maybe I was lonely, or filled with regret… But talking with her has just made me feel worse… I have changed, she hasn’t… I also don’t like feeling like I am being strung along as someone to talk to when you are drunk, or alone… Time to cut the cord, being feather to Ghosts is not a positive thing…

So I will tether myself to a new ghost for a couple of hours (a bit of escapism), to clear my head and get back on track with things… There maybe be a Part II later in the day….


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