Drink Me…..

Or in this case Alice, I forgot to drink…. Friday is one of those days I would like to push reset on, but I didn’t know why till Saturday at 9am… I got back from my morning walk on Saturday slightly sweaty and wound so tight I could feel the fraying rope… Grabbed a cup of hot water and lemon to wash down the days anti-real world pill with, and noticed that the handy “what day to take this” packaging was telling me I didn’t take yesterdays chemicals… oh, that would explain the angry baboon part of my brain taking over for a while… and as you all know letting an angry baboon operate the heavy machinery is a bad idea, oh well whats done is done…. and sometimes no flowers or apology notes will fix it, so you might as well stuff a bag of dogs hit through the letter box and move on (to quote British comedian Jimmy Carr)…

So I spent most of Saturday a quart of good humour down, and by the afternoon I was at the point where I just wanted the kids back home from their fortnightly weekend with Griselda… even an hour trying to get my monies worth of complimentry tissues at my shrinks office didn’t help… The fact that my shrink schedules me as her last appointment of day so she doesn’t have to hit the stop button at 50mins (this last session went for 90mins), concerns me.. Should I think that I am so interesting that she works in her own time to listen to me, or that she is waiting for me to start eating the crayons so she can send me off to the relaxation of nice white sheets and basket weaving for a while… This week she seemed very happy that I had some panic attacks recently (you know the can’t breath, oh shit I’m dying ones), seems compared to all the other crazy going on, panic attacks are a nice little treatable thing to focus on… It was nice to know they where related to the depression and not anxiety, as I am sick of things that relate to anxiety…

So back to friday, Friday was the straw on the camel, not just a day of not coping.. During the week I made an offer (that if it was the other persons idea would have been brilliant and the best thing ever), but because it was my idea it was declined due to there obviously being fine print, the offer was declined… the counter offer was declined, because it was stupid, sorry there is no other way to put that…. So I will pick myself, dust myself off and get on with things… There is the knowledge that in five years time, maybe less none of this back and forth rubbish will be necessary, unless you swim against the tide eventually things will drift beyond you reach… I am and will continue to swim, thats why I will still be part of things… and in the meantime i will battle the jabberwocky and continue to follow the instructions on the bottle…

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