Fear of Failure? Nope!…

Fear of success on the other hand, I have that in spades… Don’t worry things will get better, they say… That’s exactly what scares me… We all know about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, if not I will go grab a coffee while you google…

Right, all caught up? Good… lets look at this chart…

photo

…and what does this have to do with fear of success you ask?…. Everything!!!! In Maslow’s view, once people’s basic needs were met, they were free to explore their abilities and strive to further develop those innate abilities…. I work very hard, subconsciously and consciously to keep myself in the bottom two tiers of that pyramid… If you work very hard making sure life is a hand to mouth situation, you never have time to focus on how badly you are doing at the next tier up, let alone higher… It is very important to work, just hard enough to stave off eviction and starvation, but not hard enough to have money in the mattress, and no sense of impending dread that the next envelope is a bill, that will break you…

But why would someone do that I hear you yell…

Well here is where the Johnah Complex comes in… If you sat through school scriptures you will be familiar with the tale of Jonah and the Whale, the man who ran from his god and his destiny, got chucked into the sea and swallowed by whale, after a few days caved into his destiny and got out, so he could do what he was meant too… Obviously if you set aside all the religious parts, the story is not a positive thing either way, running from your destiny = bad, sitting around in the dark waiting for divine intervention to set you back on your path = bad…. I have been as guilty of the later as Jonah, which has helped me avoid the former… I have been very adept at waiting around for some magic offer or situation to change things for me… A new town, a new career or scheme, all doomed to failure because they require me to (a) Stop wishing for outside forces to provide me with an escape or (b) stop allowing myself to stick at level 4 and 5 of the pyramid so I have a great big fat excuse for not addressing all the things I need to achieve what I am capable of….

I have tossed away love, eaten my own body weight in ice-cream (which is a great way to have an ever increasing amount of ice-cream), dodged responsibility, actively sabotaged my own success on several occasions, subverted my own needs to meet those of others and cursed the world…. All of which has got me nowhere…

So I have a little black book, actually its a green book with a bunny on it, but in its soul it knows it is a black book… and in this book is a set of rules and affirmations.. promises that must be kept…. Secrets that will be taken to the grave, possibly on Trenzalore….  Things I say or blog are fluid and likely to change, the things in the book are not…

With that melodramatic thing said I can now get on with things…  and there are many things that need to be done….

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