Tick….Tick….Boom

So the wheels came off today…. To misquote Grosse Point Blank…if you have earned the prefix ex… You have probably done something to deserve it…

It suddenly became apparent that having suffered through more than my share of other peoples bullshit, when the situation was reversed, I am the proverbial cheese… Ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends all wrapped up in their own little selfish bubbles… Bubbles that seem to have a cleansing effect,’that washes away all memory of the times they were at the lowest points of their life and the help they were given…

Pretty sure I won’t be receiving a saint hood, and my own issues are legion…

But it stings like a bitch to have no credit given for the crap you stood knee deep in that wasn’t even yours… A wife with the affection of a puff-adder and a maternal instinct that can only be seen with an electron microscope… An ex girlfriend will a flexible attitude to the truth and a passive aggressive streak that lives in a never ending bottle of wine… Ex-friends that treat me like the hard work, which I am, but I doubt I was ever more work than they were…

And today it all climbed up my unmedicated spine, and slapped five bells out of me… Half assed texts, a week too late, a sighting of the ex-wife and her self-involved moronic sister… Still with those three quarter pants and the perm huh?… If you find a look you like, stick with it… No matter how horrendous you look… Not being bitchy just for the sake of it, she really is a repugnant human… More texts filled with “I will always be your friend” bullshit… My coffee spoiled… My head is re-enacting that final scene from poltergeist, where the house tears itself up and disappears…

And the fun part? I have to keep a smile on my face, and this ridiculous happy tone in my voice for the kids… I need to re-read my texts to the ex-wife, to avoid being told I am deliberately trying to upset her, or that it is my fault she can’t see the kids because I live 50 mins away… And I can never bring up that it is her choice to not see the children… Because her job hangs by a magic thread that derives all it’s power from her placing every thing in her life second to it, of course her response would be, since I don’t have a job, I can’t critique her… Because apparently raising her children 12 days out of 14 is not a job, I guess it’s lucky that it is not a job, because it may crush that self belief that a job makes you important… Because as a full time parent she would last about a week before getting fired… I don’t claim to be the perfect parent, far from it, but I am there, and I don’t have a list of things that are more important than it…

Maybe it’s the mood getting to me… But I seem to be at the end of a lot of piss-poor decisions, and even more piss-poor attitudes at the moment… I wish my ex-wife would piss off with her creepy boyfriend and leave me to it… Sick of bribing the kids into going to her for the weekend, sick of sharing parental responsibility with someone who gets a vote because they begrudgingly send a check… Sick of an ex-girlfriend that contacts me when her life goes to shit because of the latest shit decision.. Sick of friends that are too busy…

So as i am often accused of falling into the illustration imperative, her is a picture from the recent fires that sums up my mood at the moment…

Photo1-351

 

Maybe a good night sleep will cure the sudden urge to sell everything and buy and old bus… runaway gypsy style with the kids and leave the whole stinking lot of them to wallow in their own crapulence…

 

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2 thoughts on “Tick….Tick….Boom

  1. I know exactly what you mean when you say you are sick of sharing parental responsibility with someone who gets a vote because they begrudgingly send a check. If you’re “lucky”, as I have been, her interest in digging at you through the children will wane as it becomes too much effort for her to actually take the children for any period of time since it interferes with her life and she’ll quietly fade into the background. This might take a while, a few years even, but once they stop trying at all it actually becomes more stabilizing for the children. At least that’s been my experience.

  2. inkomplete says:

    My old psychologist (who ironically knows my ex) said the same thing… That she will probably just drift further and further out of the kids lives, not because she means to, but because she is just wired that way…

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