The Other Boot…

That internal tension that destroys sanity…. Waiting for that second thump so you can relax again…. I suspect I have an octopus living upstairs, and hopefully last night was boot number eight… It has been a good year for boots, those wonderful emotion boots hitting the ground with a thud. The sound scares you at first but when you get over the shock of the unexpected, and realise what made the sound you can calm down. Though not to much of course because you are now listening for the other thump….

I had an old boot thump a little while ago, when a relationship that was dented and on flames, was put into a new category… The thump came in the form of a single sentence in a text-based argument…. and once it had been sent I knew that nothing about the person I had cared for was left anymore… I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t angry… and after the initial sting, I was free of one of the things that was holding me back…. The freedom of no longer factoring someone into your life was almost intoxicating…

Last night another thump, from a slightly more attractive boot… I was in a very dark hole last night… I wont go into it because I am not the self harm type, but lets just say last night was darker than I usually go and it scared the hell out of me… I reached out to someone for help, what I got was pity… I don’t like pity…. I don’t blame the person, they have every right to take a little satisfaction from watching me twist…. But it was a very loud thump…. Luckily I passed out from lack of sleep……

So I woke up this morning and things seemed less black…

I drove… I drank coffee…. and I listened to dreadful 80s music…. It seems that like in many a John Hugh’s movie, the right soundtrack can give you the emotional montage you need…. I am not claiming some great evolution or spiritual epiphany. It is so much simpler than that, I have heard the boots of closure thumping… and now I hear the sounds of a straining metaphor….

Tomorrow I have one more of these touchy feely blog posts, I think I will anyway… I have been working on it for a week, and since during that time I was being a bit dark, I will need to look at it again to make sure it still holds true….

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