…..or there and back again….

Just had one of those magic days with the kids… Technology free Sunday has its trials, but also great rewards…. The first reward was my daughter informing a guest that it was “Tech Free Sunday, which follows Pants Off Fridays!!!”… Hmmm luckily it was the vicar she was telling….

A day of bad old movies and popcorn and those cordial filled ice-blocks shaped like a pyramid that you need to open with scissors… and conversations…. not just chats, but proper discussions about worries and anxiety and the future…. Sometimes I forget how damn clever these children are, and even on occasion perceptive…

I have been treading pretty carefully with discussions about moving back to the mountains where they are involved… A balancing act about making them feel included in the decision and causing them undue anxiety… I have settled into the role of information point… When they have a question, I try to answer it as honestly and completely as I can… Today was an eye opener…. over 2 hours of talking about good and bad points, questions and issues… Some of which I hadn’t even considered… and even a moment of revelation for myself… My little Miss 6 (going on 30) asked me why I liked the mountains? As we had already discussed proximity to hot chocolate and the ability to wear cute hats, I felt I should probably give her a proper answer… Which is what lead to a very personal discussion with a small child, a very perceptive small child…

I slowly explained that I felt more like myself in the mountains, more accepted for what I do…. That here in Bathurst people tend to judge people by the money they make and the job they have, and that drawing pictures and selling bits of furniture didn’t count… My daughter hugged me and said she understood, which was sweet, but she says things like that… It was what she said next that made the difference “I really do understand dad, I know that Nanna (my mother) thinks you don’t have a real job, and that must really hurt… and being an artist is a real job in the mountains”…. Yes, there were tears, from me… and another hug from her… and we talked for another hour about all the pretty dresses I used to find for her in the mountains, and trips to cafes and how she missed wearing hats… and her friend Holly… and hats…

She is now harassing the cat, with attempts to make it wear a ribbon… and I am left in a stunned silence at my perceptive little girl…. Yes I am moving back to the mountains… Its not perfect, but I didn’t feel as judged and left wanting as I do here in rural New South Wales… My ex-wife never liked the mountains, maybe because it was my thing… Maybe because a high paying job doesn’t “buy” respect like it does here?…

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So as my house de-clutters, my head clears… The move from the mountains last year was one of those mistakes that maybe had to be made… This time when I move it is not running from anything, or hoping some magic new place will cure all my woes… I am simply moving back to a place that fits me, you can go home again… you just need to figure out what home means…. and as my daughter pointed out, It would be better to be somewhere where people like what you do… Well yes I agree, it would….

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2 thoughts on “…..or there and back again….

  1. redstonemt says:

    Loved your post about your conversation with your daughter about moving back to the mountains . . . And the reasons why. She is very astute and you are very brave to listen to what is right for you and your family.

    I too, am at that same crossroads in life in a different part of the world. I am Northern Cheyenne and grew up on my reservation in Montana, but have lived in the city off the reservation for a number of years. My wife and I are planning on moving back to the reservation in the country with our 4, 9 & 12 year olds this Spring/Summer where we can reconnect with each other and the world we live in. We also see a great opportunity to work, live, play and create with one another.

    Our urban family and friends look at us kinda strange when we tell them, but we know it is the right thing for us. I am sure this is the right move for you and wish you well. By the way, I love your Tech Free Sundays (and can imagine the laughing during Pants Off Fridays). In our house the week builds to Family Fun Night Friday, which we love as much as the kids. Keep up the writing and sketching. I love both.

  2. inkomplete says:

    Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with me too, connection is such an important thing…. I wish you well with your adventure 🙂

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