Selfish? Is that a Bad Thing?…..

After being called selfish for the 100 th time this year…. I sat down to think about it… I turned off my phone and ignored the world (probably got myself called selfish for that)…. Maybe wanting what is best for myself is selfish… but after a chat with my government issued shrink, I was reminded that people usually call you selfish as a transference… and what they really mean is “why are you not doing what I want!!!”… He also pointed out If I insist on calling what I want to do selfish, I can at least be realistic and say I am being selfish for 3…. One of those moments where a different way of looking at things suddenly makes sense… My idea of moving back to the mountains is not a whim… It is because I have a network there… A means of financial independence… and a more stable life for me, means a more stable life for the kids…. So I am being selfish for three people now….

In my head I know I want to make people happy… Something I will do at my own expense, and then resent the fact that they don’t appreciate what I have done…. I guess that is the difference between altruism and martyrdom…. Expecting to be thanked for my sacrifices is very unfair to those around me…. So my options are altruism or selfishness…. compromise or Selfishness…. Unhappiness and dependency or selfishness…. I think you can see where I am going with this…. Selfishness seems to be the better option… I don’t want bad things for anyone around me… quite the opposite… but I don’t think me being totally accommodating to everyone elses needs will help them in the long term either….

So I will be selfish for myself and the kids… Selfish for 3 is something I can live with…. I will just have to hope that others see this as an oppurtunity to be more glass half full…. Hopefully I wont be judged to harshly for this…. because as Basil Fawtly once said of the Germans “God has other bastards…”

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5 thoughts on “Selfish? Is that a Bad Thing?…..

  1. I don’t think you are selfish, I think you are centered in yourself and taking your decisions from that point of view. Being selfish is demanding from others. When you are centered in yourself you actually give the same space and respect to everybody around you, which is honest and generous. Mind you, other people might not think so, because they are not getting what they want from you…That is selfish. Good post on a good (but tricky) subject.

    • inkomplete says:

      Thank you for that… I am glad that it came across as an explanation for what I feel I need to do, rather than a justification, for not putting other peoples needs first.

  2. sewexhausted says:

    I love the way you put this- and so true. I have been grappling with being called “selfish” for 12 weeks now! ” I was reminded that people usually call you selfish as a transference… and what they really mean is “why are you not doing what I want!!!” I KNEW that sort of – good to see it in print. And really, I too just wanted to make everyone happy- easier said then done because frankly, not everyone will ever be happy! Thanks for sharing- your reasons do not sound selfish at all. They sound wise!

  3. I’m “selfish” too. That’s girl-talk for “independent.” If I were a man, this would not be an issue.

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