Take the Candy and get in the Van….

I have been considering my holiday travel plans…. As I will be travelling solo, the layout of the car is on my mind… I still have fond memories of childhood road trips, sitting in the back of my fathers panel van… These days he would be arrested on the spot, for allowing a small child to sit unrestrained in the back of a van… but it was the 70s and it awesome back  there…. A comfortable mattress, black furry fabric on the walls, and best of all a mural… of the Prince fighting the Dragon from Sleeping Beauty on the roof… did I mention this was the 70s?, when that type of thing was totally acceptable? He would be sitting in the front with my step mum, smoking cigarettes, drinking coke and listening to 8 tracks… and I would be stretched out in the back, reading comics and looking out the open tail gate, as the world zoomed past… Holidays were truly a golden time….

My Dad and me….

Sorry for the lack of  pictures to help the narrative…This was a time before the ability to log every memory with an iPhone, so I have to remember things the old fashioned way… with my memory and rose tinted glasses…

So in the hope of recapturing some of that magic furry passive smoking travel, I will be removing the back seats of my wagon, and chucking in a mattress…. I shall park backwards and look at scenery the way it was meant to be viewed… with a cup of coffee from a vintage thermos and the tailgate open…

Speaking of holidays, the ex-wife is taking the kids on a little trip down her memory lane, a “family” holiday down the south coast….. Don’t get me wrong… I hope they have a great time, and they can form some of those golden childhood memories, that I treasure so much… but I am not regretting my absence in this case… The thought of a rekindled relationship with my ex-wife is implausible… and I only say that because, impossible, while being accurate, seems a bit harsh… I think once I got over the end of the marriage, and then had to deal with her as a person, I relized it never could have worked in the first place… as people we are incompatible on too many levels… As for the actual end of things, looking for obvious causes, like the lack of time spent together after the children were born is easy… and accurate, but naive… Like the couple who don’t spend time together, because one partners new job keeps them away… it is easy to blame the job… but in reality one person decided to take the job and the other person let them…

I am amused by the naivety people who say the world isn’t black and white… it is… it just is black and white like an old picture, a million points of black and white, so if you don’t pay attention it looks like shades of grey… If you think the world isn’t black and white than you are not looking closely enough…

The song on the stereo is telling me Life is short and hard, like a body-building elf….But I rarely take life advice from the Bloodhound Gang… I think I am starting to accept life is better when you take chances with an open heart… and while I am still less then happy about a world that involves a lot of hypocrisy and selfishness, I am also aware that it also contains good stuff… Maybe the trick to making life seem less hollow is to share it with people that also want the good stuff, for you and themselves… Like Shrek I have layers… and when it comes down to it, I want good things for everyone that is, and has been in my life… I cant provide it for all of them, but I can try too for some…

To go with the layers and goodwill for all I am feeling, I also have  a whole strangely anxious thing going on… not just because of nicotine withdrawals coupled with the guilt of having a few cigarettes, which in turn extends the nicotine withdrawals… catch 22 sir? Yes please I will go for a jog after my next cigarette….

My upcoming trip is freaking me out, because it is not freaking me out… The great big logical part of my brain is trying to work it self up to a level of concern… and can’t  …. there is this odd kind of internal dialogue going on between heart and head… the heart is saying, go for it I want this… and my head is saying, fair enough I have run the numbers and its worth the risk… That doesn’t seem right, I am used to running on some level of doubt… either my heart or my head… seems strange to have a universal why not?

2 thoughts on “Take the Candy and get in the Van….

  1. ScrapAndSalvage says:

    great post. hope that’s not too simply put for such a complex entry…

  2. inkomplete says:

    No that seems like the perfect response 🙂 and if by complex, you mean un-proofread and a little bit head ache inducing stream of consciousness, then complex it is 😉 I have now given it a minor change or two, for clarity and not to change the content 🙂

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