Past…..Present….Future…and stuff…

After friday’s brief freak out, I have returned to some degree of positive equilibrium… I am aware that as a true extrovert, I do tend to draw my behaviours from those I interact with… Love me and I love you… treat me like a villain and I become one… That is of course overly simplified, and far truer of past me than present me, and hopefully a long way from future me….

The world really does treat me the same way I treat it…. Karma? I don’t know… but take self-doubt and fear out there and it seems to be what you will find… If you think it’s a trick, it is a trick… If you can go into things without tainting it with your own doubts, you might just find a way to make it work for you….

I am sick of working so hard on my own failings to be derailed by others doubts…. It really is tiring… sometimes it is amusing to do things with all the honesty and good will in the world to see someones doubt and judgement cheat them out of what they want… but most of the time it is just depressing…

Don’t get me wrong…. I am still a mess…. with a messy life…. but sometimes I see a glimpse of a better future, just enough to keep me going and trying…

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