Free Fall……

Not Sure what is going on right now…..no sleep…..second happy pill of the day….trying to keep busy….auto pilot mainly…. Glad the kids are not here, just want to crawl into a hole and die. Life wasn’t meant to be this complicated. I should just stay away from people, every ones life would be a lot easier…. I should just do my meaningless little bits and pieces of junk and let the world move one without me…. I break stuff…. I cannot cope with that anymore…..

6:30…..Car is packed for markets…..Really don’t want to go tomorrow, but I am broke and will just spend the whole day eating or drinking, or both if I don’t….. Really not sure if I am doing the right thing, it is hard….very hard…. Just sad. I really thought I could be happy and make her happy, cant take the pressure anymore…. I just want to stop hurting people….

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